Tuesday, 21 June 2016

The Stolen Diary

With Him are the keys of the Unseen, the treasures that none knows but He.  He knows whatever there is on the earth and in the sea.  Not a leaf does fall but with His knowledge; there is not a grain in the darkness of the earth, nor anything fresh or dry but is in a Record clear.  It is He who does take your soul by night, and has knowledge of all that you have done by day; by day does He raise you up again; that a term appointed be fulfilled; in the end unto Him will be your return; then will He show you the truth of all that you did. 
Noble Qur'an  Vl:59-60

The techniques implemented to traumatized a Mk-Ultra subject especially when the subject is a child transmit long lasting effect upon the survivor.  Mental constrictions occur when one attempts to remember an event so horrifying that in the moment of the event a mental showdown cloaks the piercing reality. Once clothed in a state of emotional shock reality's perception becomes distorted leaving specific details of a situation wavy, blurred, nauseating.

Did Freddie Mae, run to the address of 4719 Kensington Place that day, or did she walk?  I think the fear on my face may have caused her to run.  How soon after her sprint did I enter the house.  How could she?  I pondered as I snailed my way to the house?  After all the difficult she and her husband experienced prior to having a full termed birth. After all, the baby is only three month.

Faith?  How far can it take us?  Freddie Mae's belief and desire for a child propelled her into an action which was most definitely a leap.  She had a discussion with her minister.  She made the decision that she should respect his advise.  She crossed the street one summer day grabbed my arm and stated, "Don't be afraid.  Don't think me stupid or foolish.  This is what my pastor told me to do and at this point, I have nothing to loose and so much to gain.  My pastor told me to touch some part of your body and to pray"  Nine months or near the ninth month later a healthy baby girl was born this is wanting couple.  Some three months after the birth the child was murdered.  A statement was made prior to the diabolical act that they did not want anyone with any spiritual acumen to have a positive high profile in that decade or for decades to come. One of the consequences of this sinister decision was the killing of a child.  The child seem a easy sacrifice for the Lucifer agenda.

When I arrived at the location of 4719 Kensington Place the day when Freddie Mae grabbed my arm and prayed,  I did place the state of my confusing and hopes in a journal, a diary, a sheet of loose leaf, or a ripped page from a spiral.  With there being no one  in my life I could talk with concerning the spiritual phenomena, supernatural activities, or whatever the appropriate word or phrase needed to describe the valuable and venerable position, I as a child had been placed; I had to turn to expressing my felling in writings.

Once I arrive in the house on the day Freddie and Luther child viciously murdered, I remember seeing Freddie pleading with someone not to hurt her child.  Two men both member of organized crime attempted with powerful physical force to cause me to puncture the soft spot in the infant's head.  One of the men grabbed my wrist while pushing my middle finger in a downward position.  At first the men attempted to cajole me making statement like, putting a  hole in the baby's head will be fun and good for the baby.  Puncturing the soft spot in the baby's scalp will make the baby happy.   Other things were said that awful day, other terrifying things were done, but the combined strength of two grown men did not prevail where I was concerned, but these men were able to execute their plan via the finger of another child.

The written words which question, what happened yesterday?  What can't I remember?  Why is the neighborhood suddenly so quiet, and sad?

Whatever other sentiments or questions I expressed in my daily writings I do not know as my writings were stolen from me just as many years of my life.  As I struggle to reconnect with life's purpose, some of my confusion and uncertainly come out through writings.  When I wrote the phrase, "Empty volatile fools they be, dancing outside of destiny," I hadn't remember at that writing what had happened to Freddie Mae's daughter.  Yet. some minute traces of a seemingly forgotten experience oozed.

Sometime after the horrifying day of the baby's murder, Freddie again crossed the street this time to state to me that she was putting her life in her hands by telling me that someone was going to try and convince me that I had something to do with her daughter's death but that I was not to believe the,  Freddie further stated that she was in the house, in the room when the murder took place and that the two grown men forced one of the other children to kill her child.

Even today, many years later, I don't know if it was a state of shock or some of the manipulative actions of Mk-Ultra which caused me to forget that brutally inhumane day for so many years.