Monday, 15 December 2014

Recognizing Blessings

Sura 93:1-3

1.   By the Glorious Morning Light,
2.   and by the Night when it is still-
3.   The Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken Thee, nor is He displeased.

When I think of the devastation and the exploitation which I received at the hands of a cruel and indifferent government, for many years, I was stunned, stuck, submerged in an emotional and spiritual level far below my innate capacity.  I became coiled in a suspended emptiness where in journeying through life I became like a zombie enduring an out of body experience.  There were no tears, nor was there laughter, no anticipation peaked, nor were there feelings of disappointment, hope, or joy.  

One day I was child, a daughter, an individual who belonged to a family, a culture, historical lineage and heritage which dating back centuries; then, what felt like the next moment, I was snatched, grabbed, kidnapped.

It was a sun filled day in London, England.  The bellowing white clouds were so pump and fluffy that while seated in the out-of-doors, transformed by the beauty of the day, awaiting the decision of whether or not myself and another child would be allowed to attend the annual Piccadilly Parade,  momentarily, I did not experience the childish anxiousness of jumpy anticipation.  

My fellow cohort did not share my calm appreciation of the day and he had paced throughout the palace like an animal of prey hunger for a conquest.  My father was in diplomatic services which yielded the fact that the family knew people from all over the world some of which actually lived in palaces.  As a child rather you live in a modest home, a mansion, a hacienda or a bubble when there is a parade in town, there is the uniformity of the wonder within a child's imagination.    

I had retreated from the palace in consequence of my friend's nervous pacing and constant questions as when the adults would make a decision.  Being a reticent person naturally, My friend, (well, let's call him John), might as well have been disassembling my emotional components.

"They always wait till the last minute to let us know anything. Why do they constantly take away any enjoyment of fun things that are planned?  A parade, it's just a parade.  What bad thing could  happen at a parade?"

I, of course, did not have the answers to the flurries of question directed toward me, the walls, the floor, the many rooms, or, any other person or object within John's vocal range, which he most certainly knew; nevertheless, there seemed to have been an expectation of me.  That being that I should have been as frustrated and  as annoyed as he where the wishy-washy decision-making adults were concerned.  

The adults did make a decision and John and I were allowed to attend the parade.  And the answer to his question as to what could happen at a parade is contained in the second paragraph of this posting; Snatched, grabbed, Kidnapped.

For well over twenty years I did not remember any part of my life prior to being subjected to the technique of Mk-Ultra.  The complexity and mystery contained within and behind the internal walls of amnesic cells.   I am astonished at what was forgotten.  Amazed that I still have a great deal which I do not remember and graceful that again, I am able to feel hope, joy and the prayerful anticipation that one day, be it the will of God, and my own personal determination, all will be returned to me. 

I, of course, can not get back the years taken from me.  The years away from my parents,  children,  friends, my professions,  my rights, and in many ways my life.  I must believe or rather choose to believe that things happen for a reason in life.  As I have mentioned prior, I was a gifted child.  Placed in an accelerated education program at an early age.  My life of accomplishments started early and my contributions to the global society of which I belonged were becoming eminent, until the day that an entity called government decided that the gifts given to me by the almighty were disposable due to the entities' self-interest.

Although, I could and in my novel will tell of the unbelievable torments, traumas, exploitation that happened in my life.  I will also tell of the phenomenal spiritual occurrence  which have brought me back from despair, feelings of hopelessness and uselessness.   Regardless of the tragedies of life.  It is essential to recognize the blessings.

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