Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Tortured Remembered

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever.---Thomas Jefferson

The administration of justice is the firmest pillar of government.---George Washington

After Mk-Ultra things said to me.

I told him that if you were to start remembering that things would be over between us. After all a boy has the right to be raised by his biological mother.---Edward Kennedy

If she does not do for us what she did for the Russians, kill her.---Richard Nixon

The only reason we brought you out of it was to get your input. We have ways of making you do what we want regardless of what you want.-----John Poindexter

Like streams of what appear to be unrelated, deceptive, and unconnected matter, in truth, once the thesis of the last three quotes becomes coagulated, these phrases represent a haunting and disturbing reality.---Maryam Ruhullah

As a survivor of Mk-Ultra, daily, I must face the horrifying reality that I was unwittingly used as a human experimentation subject. Each day, I struggle to find a way to have this inhumane torture reversed and too have my memory and life returned to me.

I must live constantly with the knowledge that I am intellectually and mentally blocked from my own core propensities and talents. Prior to my mental and physical kidnapping, I had the ability to paint with enough talent in my work, that prior to my twenty-first birthday, I had a painting that hung in the Louvre in Paris. Today, I have no way of proving my assertion since I can not remember the name in which I painted.

I honestly, don’t remember the last time I saw any of my biological children. As an person who practiced law prior to my kidnappings, I don’t remember the firm I worked for nor do I remember the name which appears on my law license.

I have of course written to the United States Department of Justice requesting my information under the Freedom of Information Act, only to be told that my records can not be located. How astonishingly amazing, that two federal agents can walk into your home, take you away from everything you are and everyone you love and then later, state to this person, we can not locate your records.

How even more amazing is the fact that finding adequate legal, medical or spiritual support for the survivor of such a tragic reality also can not be located.

Please read the below article regarding a current trial where the government is attempting to escape both accountability and responsibility; while reading the article think of the words of Helen Keller---

"Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsiility for each other's welfare, social justice can never be attained."

CIA Tries Again to Duck Responsibility for Doing Drug Experiments on

By MARIA DINZEO December 14, 2010 SAN FRANCISCO (CN) - The Central
Intelligence Agency in January will argue for dismissal of Vietnam
veterans' claims that the CIA must provide them with information about
the health effects of chemicals used on them during Cold War-era human
experiments. The CIA also claims it is not obligated to provide the
veterans with medical care for side effects of the drugs. It's the CIA's
third attempt to get the case dismissed.

In a 2009 federal lawsuit, Vietnam Veterans of America claimed that
the Army and CIA had used at least 7,800 soldiers as guinea pigs in
"Project Paperclip." They were given at least 250 and as many as 400
types of drugs, among them sarin, one of the most deadly drugs known to
man, amphetamines, barbiturates, mustard gas, phosgene gas and LSD.

Among the project's goals were to control human behavior, develop
drugs that would cause confusion, promote weakness or temporarily cause
loss of hearing or vision, create a drug to induce hypnosis and identify
drugs that could enhance a person's ability to withstand torture.

The veterans say that some of the soldiers died, and others
suffered grand mal seizures, epileptic seizures and paranoia. The
veterans say the CIA promised in the 1970s to compensate those who were
made guinea pigs, but the 2009 complaint states that the government
"never made a sincere effort to locate the survivors."

In its 32-page motion to dismiss the group's third amended
complaint, the CIA claims it has no legal obligation under the
Administrative Procedures Act to provide the veterans with notice of the
drugs' health effects and that the veterans' notice claim "rests solely
on state common-law duty."

The CIA claims that the law on which the veterans base their claim
for health care compensation stems from the Department of Defense and
Army regulations, "which do not purport to have a binding affect on the
CIA." And it claims that the Defense Department "never intended nor
committed to providing medical care for service member participants in
the test programs."

Defendants. Case No. CV 09-0037-CW Noticed Motion Date and Time:

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

My question and concern at this time is if this country is moving forward without taking responsibilty and accountability for its injustices are we now taking forward the same unethical and illegal conduct?

Since we the people are indeed the masses. let us now bring about social jusice.


Maryam Ruhullah


  1. Wow, sister....chilling....I pray that you continue to heal and to find more and more peace as you do so, amin. As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatuhlahi wa barakatuh

  2. Just like in the movies....scary. I just always had at the back of my mind that what they portray in films is what they do NORMALLY! Allah is indeed JUST AND PATIENT.He says and he who does an atom's weight of good will see it and he who does an atom's weight of evil will see it too. And Allah is most forgiving.

    1. It had been my intention to reply to your comments prior to now but I have had problems posting and replying to my blog. Now that the problem seems to be solved, I want to thank you for commenting to my post. It is through knowledge that tyranny can be stopped and it is through the efforts of journalist and caring individuals that a humane society is demanded. I hope to hear from you again and many blessings.

  3. When I read your story, it resonates (altho nowadays the govt is using more advanced technology so they can torture virtually via covert surgical implants--virtual no touch torture in effect)--but I wonder WHY these sociopaths allow people like us to tell our stories? Is it as example or as cautionary tales to others? Author Gloria Naylor wrote a fictionalized chronicle of her targeting by what are probably the same evil, sociopathic entities in her novel 1996. Her story also totally resonated with me, tho written almost 20 yrs prior to my targeting--some of the same tactics are being used on me today in 2011.

    1. Dear Nat-Mau,

      I am very sorry in the long delay in replying to your comments but for a while I was unable to post or reply on my blog. I am also sorry that you have endured a similar torment as I have suffered. I think that it is extremely important for those of us who survived such trauma to tell our stories so that others will be aware of what can happen when we allow governments to suppress our rights.

      I don't know why the government allows our stories to be told. I wonder if arrogance and the desire to completely control are a factor? Perhaps, to overtly state, " See what we are capable of without accountability," is the primary reason. Thank you very much for your comments and I would love to hear from you again. Regards,
      Madaline E. States