Thursday, 25 February 2010


At the time when I felt that there would be no more of me, there than was Thee.
By Maryam Ruhullah

When the word Mk-Ultra is written, spoken, or heard a specific connotation should immediately connect in the eye of the general public, (Human-experimentation). What an extraordinary combined two words, when they convey that a human being, a creature made of flesh and spirit, has been used like an unreasoning animal for experimentation purposes.

It is my intention in this post to place a very strong emphasis on the horror of human experimentation and perhaps most especially when the experimentation involves human behavior, consequently, the infecting of the human spirit. It is necessary at this time to give additional history regarding Mk-Ultra.

It was stated in a previous posting that Mk-Ultra was started in the United Stats during the Cold War period for the purpose of developing interrogation techniques to use on suspected Soviet spies. What was not mention in previous submissions was that the unwitting experimentation subjects were subjected to techniques designed to alter an individuals core personality and to transplant into the subject conditioned state a subservient programed being.

Is it imaginable to you, Oh! citizens of humanity, that a medical experimental program funded by a government would invade the mental facilities of an individual without regard too the initial risk or too any permanent damage which might be caused to the subject during the research project? Does the fact of gross indifference, illegal and secretive operations, back door scalpels of deceitful practices mounted arrogantly within cemented self-interest disturb anyones sense of constitutional injustice?

Psycho-driving, electroshock, cocktail of drugs, mind manipulation, created amnesia, behavior modification, sleep deprivation, human experimentation, void of informed consent, or committed on unwitting subjects, are such horrendous acts to go unacknowledged? What are the cocktail of words needed here to explain the severity and inhumanness of Mk-Ultra?

Programed couriers resistant to torture, military intelligence, ultimate truth serum, research into hypnosis for the purpose of interrogation, barbiturates and cannabis used as drug assisted interrogations, the concept of create the quintessential agent, the germination of Mk-Ultra.

The Korean War and the postulation that American prisoners of war were being used in brainwashing experiments became the genesis of Mk-Ultra.

As a survivor of Mk-Ultra, one evening while on an assignment for a local periodical, I attended a SNAP meeting,(Survivors Network of those Abused by Priest), only to discover once I returned home that evening that deeply housed within my edifice was a core persona of a woman whom I had not remembered or had experienced for years. For a period lasting no more than seconds, there in the forefront of my conscious mind stood a non-programed, non-hypnotized, original authentic being. The result of that overwhelming discovery.

The Woman who screams from within.

The woman who screams from within is the gifted artist, the prolific author, the attentive aunt, the person of authenticity. The woman who screams from within is the abandoned child, the abducted child, the battered child, the belittled child, the lonely child, the hated child, the taunted child, the raped child, the child crying silently throughout the night.
The woman who screams from within is the accomplished dancer, the unwanted daughter, the competent doctor, the collector of antique dollies, the dream lobotomized. The woman who screams from within is the fencing partner, the fighter for freedom, the understanding friend, the fanciful poet, the proficient lawyer, the devoted mother, the beloved niece...the epitome of forbearance. The woman who screams from within is the creative sculptress, the playful temptress, the professional defamed, the degraded moment, the dismissed contributions, the flippant acknowledgement, the recipient of callous indifference. The woman who screams from within is the abjured wife, integrity standing alone, the honest business person, the envied peer, the precision surgeon. The woman who screams from within is the woman of courage, the woman of strength, the woman determined, the woman of faith, the woman of compassion, the child who cared. The woman who screamed from within is the healing embodiment of steadfast hope.
by Maryam Ruhullaha

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for writing this article and creating this blog. I am a survivor of next gen Monarch programming, a few years into deprog, and last night I met the little girl I was before the programming really set in when I was 4. That little girl was three and *being programmed* but not programmed yet. It was amazing. I was in a flashback and looked at my abusers through *my* eyes. Not programmed eyes. Mine. I can't describe the feeling... In the flashback terrible things were happening around me, but I was me. That experience last night and reading about your experience of encountering the woman who screams from within now affirms the fact that we survivors of MK can reclaim ourselves. I do not, however, look forward to hearing this little girl within me scream (she is still dissociated right now). I want to say that her pain is "unreal" - but I know that it is real. It is just unfathomably hard to bear.